you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
