all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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