i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
