I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
