you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
