party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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