Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
