Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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