Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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