just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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