tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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