so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
