that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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