Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
