Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
