some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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