i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
