Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Two words: blizzard sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My bed smells like the plague
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