My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
