census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
