Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
