In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
