You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
