I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
