Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
