Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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