Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
