What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
