the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
