he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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