got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
