I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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