i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
