i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
