He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
