and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Couch. On fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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