i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
