What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
