They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
