why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
