I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
