Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
