I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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