Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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