I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
