We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
