Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
