i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
