i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
