I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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