your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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