im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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