Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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